Sis, you don’t have to do it alone — It’s time to ask for help
“Nothing makes one feel so strong as a call for help.” – Pope Paul VI
It took me a long time to realize: it’s okay to ask for help. In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m sending a PSA to all my strong Black Women out there hustling in corporate spaces, that asking for help is vital to maintaining sound mental health.
As a woman of color, I grew up with a single mom who seemed to do it all — raise a family, have a well-paying career, run a household, stay physically fit, invest, and get my brother and me to our countless activities. She rarely asked for anyone’s help, unless it was absolutely necessary. If she was ever tired or felt overwhelmed, I didn’t really know it — until the strain and stress manifested themselves as paranoid bipolar schizophrenia and a culminating nervous breakdown that caused me to have her committed to a mental institution and assisted living facility at the young age of 57.
At a young age, watching my Mom “power through” life, I internalized the message that asking for help was at best an inconvenience and at worst a sign of weakness. After all, Black girls have the power to do the impossible, right? #BlackGirlMagic ?? I am here to tell you, that is a myth that comes at a high price.
I grew up being taught that my identity and worth came from my ability to take care of other people. How dare I ask others for help? I also believed it was foolish to ask for support because no one would ever be willing to give it freely. After doing a somatic experiencing exercise with my therapist, I realized that I was holding on to trauma from my ancestors who were forced to serve others.
The shame and embarrassment I felt about admitting I needed help held me back for years. But over the last five years, I have come to terms that as an introverted, highly-sensitive, neurodivergent Black woman operating in a society designed for extroverted, neurotypical, and often insensitive white men, I needed help. Lots of it.
After years of struggling, I learned that reaching out to other people for help isn’t weakness, it’s a form of incredible strength and self-awareness. It shows you have the confidence to admit that there are things you struggle with, or wish you were better at and that you have the courage to seek out support.
NEWS FLASH: Black women are not perfect or superhuman. We can not take on the weight of the world without support, and thankfully we don’t have to do it all alone.
Asking for help can look like a lot of things. Here are five of my favorite ways to get help:
1. Therapy: There are burdens we all carry, some heavier and more painful than others. And sometimes, having an outside perspective on our past challenges and traumas is the best way to understand and heal them. Talking things over with professionals who are trained to listen and help us deal with our past issues can make a huge difference in enabling us to show up as our best selves in the present moment. A few platforms that are particularly great for women of color is Therapy for Black Girls.
2. Career Coaching: A lot of the women of color I work with think the best way to climb the corporate ladder is to keep their heads down and push themselves as hard as they can. Instead of moving up, they end up boxing themselves in and bumping their heads against the glass ceiling. Like raising a child, nurturing your career takes a village. It takes people supporting you, advising you and investing their social, financial, intellectual and spiritual capital in your success. If you are interested in learning more about what career coaching is and how it might be able to help you, schedule a fit call with me today!
3. Domestic Help: Many Black and Brown women in this country stand on the shoulders of women who were domestic servants. Service is part of our heritage, especially as descendants of slaves and oppressed peoples. It might seem strange, then, to even consider hiring people to do things around the house that we know how to do ourselves. But Sheryl Sandberg’s “lean in” philosophy misses something vital: how much support anyone following it really needs. Hiring a chef could take the pressure off managing mealtimes, while a cleaner could keep your home tidy and organized. This isn’t extravagance; it’s time-saving.
4. Healthcare Support: Your health and wellbeing are essential and it’s up to you to safeguard them. This might mean getting a doula to help you as you give birth, or finding a health advocate who can support you as you navigate the healthcare system as a person of color. A coach friend of mine who struggles with chronic illness mentioned having a friend on call to cry with after doctor’s appointments, or downloading apps like Abridge or Chronic Insights which can help you keep track of doctor’s appointments and symptoms. Also, a huge way time-saver is having medications delivered via companies like Capsule.
5. Professional Instruction: If you’re eager to learn a new skill, it helps to be taught by someone who already excels at it. When I moved to Miami recently, I knew I wanted to learn to play tennis. To get myself started, I signed up for lessons so I could master the fundamentals of the game. Yes, I could have watched videos on YouTube. But I was eager for the feedback I would get from my tennis coach, which I knew would allow me to make more progress than if I was trying to learn by myself.
What you need help with might be different from what your friends or family members need. But take some time today to pause and ask yourself, what do I need help with, and who can I reach out to for that support? All you have to do is ask.
TAKE A STEP:
What is one thing you need to ask for help with today? Do you want more money? Do you need someone to come over to clean your house? Do you need a mental health day to regroup from a toxic work environment? Do you need to find a therapist?
If you believe you could benefit from the support of a professional or career coaching, please check out careerswag.co to learn about my services. If I can’t help you, I would be happy to direct you to someone who can.
Be Well!